Building Your Child’s Self-Regulation Skills Through Play: A Parent’s Guide

Ever noticed how some days your child can handle life’s ups and downs better than others? That’s self-regulation at work! Executive functioning skills help with mental control and self-regulation, influencing how children plan, focus, control behavior, and express emotions. These skills are foundational to learning, decision-making, and goal setting. The best part? You can help develop these critical life skills through simple, everyday activities.

Activities for Your Baby (6-18 Months)

During these early months, your baby is learning the basics of self-control through play and interaction:

• Peek-a-Boo and Hide-and-Seek: These simple games do more than create giggles – they improve focus, working memory, and self-control
• Songs with Surprises: Try songs with unexpected endings (like “This is the Way the Ladies Ride”) to engage attention and working memory
• Interactive Movement Play:
  • Play “Row, Row Your Boat” with gentle rocking, letting them fall backwards onto your lap or a pillow to also develop balance
  • Encourage eye contact and tracking by moving around while making engaging sounds
  • Practice games like Pat-a-Cake to develop motor skills and imitation
• First Songs with Gestures: “Wheels on the Bus” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider” strengthen attention, imitation, coordination, and language
• Simple Turn-Taking: Start with basic activities like putting a ball in a bucket or pressing a button

Activities for Your Toddler (18-36 Months)

As your toddler grows, they’re ready for more complex activities:

• Quality Connection Time:
  • Spend focused time together walking, singing, or reading without distractions
  • Continue to encourage eye contact and tracking objects by moving around while making engaging sounds
• Movement Games:
  • Play Freeze Dance and “The Floor is Lava” to improve focus and self-control
  • Dance to “Hokey Pokey” and “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” for motor skills and body awareness
• Emotional Learning:
  • Help label feelings to promote emotional understanding
  • Looking at photos of people with different facial expressions to build mirror neuron needed learning empathy
  • Imitate animal noises and actions in elaborate way to increase imitation skills
  • Guide them through expressing emotions appropriately
• Pretend Play: Let your child take the lead in imaginative play – it’s fantastic for creativity and self-regulation
• Simple Sorting: Turn organizing toys or snacks by color, size, or shape into a fun game

Activities for Your Preschooler (3-5 years)

Preschoolers are ready for activities that build independence:

• Structured Independence: Gradually reduce guidance to help them develop self-management skills
• Creative Play:
  • Provide props for imaginative play scenarios
  • Create and tell stories together to develop focus and sequencing skills
• Musical Learning:
  • Use repetitive songs that build complexity like “Five Green and Speckled Frogs”
  • Practice songs with lists like “The Alphabet Song” for memory skills and attention
• Movement Control:
  • Dance to fast and slow music to practice adjusting movements for self-control
  • Navigate simple obstacle courses for focus and direction-following

Activities for Your School-Age Child (5-7 years)

School-age children benefit from more complex challenges:

• Game-Based Learning: Choose engaging games that offer a “just right” challenge level
• Social Skills Development:
  • Learn conflict resolution through techniques like flipping coins or drawing straws
  • Practice attention, following directions and self-control through games like:
    • Freeze dance
    • Musical chairs
    • Red Light, Green Light
    • Duck, Duck, Goose
    • Mother May I?
• Active Play:
  • Try fast-paced ball games like four square and dodgeball
  • Play classic games like Simon Says
  • Participate in organized sports for teamwork and focus
  • Challenge quick thinking with games like Slapjack or Perfection

Everyday Moments to Practice

Self-regulation skills can be developed during daily routines and activities:

• Daily Activities
  • Pair Self-Regulation activities with daily task. Ex: Imitating animal sounds during diaper changes, telling stories while waiting
  • Engage older kids in planning activities
  • Model breaking down task into smaller less overwhelming pieces
  • Model self-control and explain, such as why you didn’t eat the last cookie even when you wanted too
  • Model taking a deep breath and calming responding to others
• Grocery Shopping Adventures:
  • Play “I Spy” with colors and shapes
  • Practice counting fruits or sorting vegetables
  • Work on waiting patiently in line
  • Encourage child to find items using grocery list on paper or using pictures on phone
• Car Ride Learning:
  • Sing favorite songs from memory
  • Play simple word games
  • Practice observing and describing what you see
  • Play games that build upon themselves, such as the alphabet game (take turns listing item that goes with letters in order, before each turn person recalls all previous answers.
  • Take turns telling stories using your imagination
  • Take turn recalling a fun memory
• Making Meals Together:
  • Follow simple recipe steps
  • Count ingredients
  • Practice waiting while food cooks
• Getting Ready Routines:
  • Create morning/bedtime picture schedules
  • Make getting dressed a sequencing game
  • Have older child help plan simple outing with prompts on what to bring
• Improving Impulse Control:
  • Practice walking fast and slow, saying “freeze” encouraging them to stop as fast as they can. “Freeze” is a go word to use in safety situations, as well.
  • Walk very slow “like walking in Jello” lifting legs and arms in exaggerated way
  • Make daily task a game in which you start and stop on command
  • Praise patient waiting or when they control an impulse, even if brief. You are being a “Self-Control Hero”
  • Use timers or songs to make transitions fun
  • Create visual schedules for daily routines

Supporting Yourself While Supporting Your Child

Remember, you’re not just teaching – you’re learning too!

• Take deep breaths during challenging moments
• Celebrate small progress
• Connect with other parents who understand
• Take breaks when you need them
• Show yourself grace

Supporting Success

Remember these key points:

1. Each child develops at their own pace
2. Consistent practice helps build these skills
3. Keep activities fun and engaging
4. Celebrate small successes
5. Adjust challenges based on your child’s needs

Keep in Mind: The age ranges provided are just guidelines. Every child is unique in their development journey. It’s perfectly okay – and often beneficial – to start with activities from younger age groups and gradually work up to more challenging ones. The goal is to build confidence and success, so choose activities where your child can feel capable while being appropriately challenged. If your school-age child enjoys and benefits from toddler activities, that’s absolutely fine! The most important thing is finding activities that engage your child and help them develop these crucial skills at their own pace.

As Albert Einstein said, “Play is the highest form of research.” Through these playful activities, you’re helping your child develop essential life skills that will serve them well into the future.

Want to learn more? Visit the Harvard Center on the Developing Child’s website for their comprehensive Activities Guide: Enhancing and Practicing Executive Function Skills with Children from Infancy to Adolescence.