Your toddler is melting down in the middle of the grocery store. You’re getting looks from other shoppers, and you just want to know how to calm child naturally without resorting to bribes or threats.
Every parent struggles with knowing how to calm child naturally during difficult moments. As a mom who experienced this firsthand with my oldest, I understand that overwhelming feeling when your child can’t seem to settle. Learning how to calm child naturally without medication or punishments was my goal. This struggle led me to create the Tantrum Tamer App, which offers both in-the-moment strategies and proactive approaches.
While managing meltdowns in the moment is important, what parents really want is to discover how to calm child naturally for lasting results. The secret lies in understanding how specific activities can stimulate the “brake pedal” side of your child’s brain, helping them pause, think, and naturally regulate their emotions.
To understand the hidden brain issue that makes it difficult for children to calm down, check out my companion blog: Why Your Child Can’t Self Regulate: The Hidden Brain Issue. Understanding the “why” behind your child’s struggles will help these strategies make even more sense.
Start Here: Your 4 Simple Changes This Week
Feeling overwhelmed by all the advice out there? Take a deep breath. You don’t have to do everything at once. In fact, trying to change everything overnight usually backfires. Instead, start with these four simple changes this week. Each one takes less than 5 minutes and costs nothing. Pick the one that feels easiest for YOUR family and start there. Once that becomes a habit, add another.
1. Regulate yourself first. Before responding to your child, especially in frustrating moments, take a visible deep breath. Say out loud: “I’m taking a breath so I can think.” You’re showing their brain what the brake pedal looks like. This one change affects every interaction, all day long.
2. Try stop-and-start activities before focus time. Before meals, homework, or bedtime, spend 2-3 minutes walking together. Move slowly, then fast, then FREEZE on command. This activates your child’s “brake pedal” right when they need it most. Make it silly and fun.
3. Add the blue rug hack today. Grab a blue blanket, towel, or rug you already have and place it under your child’s bright red and yellow toys. This adds right brain calming colors to balance the left brain stimulation. Set it up once and it works 24/7.
4. Massage their left hand before meltdowns. When your child starts showing signs of dysregulation, gently stroke their left hand for 1-2 minutes, moving from palm to fingertips. The right brain controls the left side of the body, so this can help activate that calming “brake pedal.”
These four strategies cover different situations throughout your day. You’re not failing if you only try one. You’re not behind if it takes a month to add all four. Every small step matters. Small, consistent changes create lasting results.
Ready for more? The sections below offer additional strategies for building long-term calm. Give yourself permission to take it slow.
Quick Strategies to Use Right Now
If you’re dealing with a meltdown or difficult moment right now, these are your go-to strategies. Keep these in your back pocket for immediate relief.
Learning how to calm child naturally starts with these immediate strategies. These direct approaches provide relief for toddlers and older children who struggle with attention and emotional regulation because they trigger the “brake pedal” side of the brain.
Download Tantrum Tamer: Transform Chaos Into Calm
Turn tantrums into teaching moments with Tantrum Tamer: the calming app made for parents of toddlers and young kids. Build the neurological foundation for happy, capable, self-regulated children.
Start with Yourself First
Regulate yourself first by taking deep breaths, practicing gratitude, and softening your posture to give your child a sense of security. Use a low tone of voice, as this triggers the right side of the brain for calming effects. Shift your focus from frustrations with the situation to God’s grace and goodness. This big-picture thinking triggers the right side of your brain to help you stay calm and pause to think.
Focus on connection before correction. The priority is helping them calm down, not teaching in the moment. Save lessons for later when everyone is regulated.
Direct Calming Strategies for Immediate Relief
Model gratefulness:
Try saying “Guess what? I am thankful for you” or “I am thankful for your bright eyes and beautiful smile.” This gives them a sense of being loved and calms both your nervous systems.
Use calming colors:
Surround your child with blues and purples, as they activate the right brain “Brake Pedal”. Greens are neutral, so they’re also a good choice. When possible, put away toys or objects with bright reds, oranges, and yellows when they’re overstimulated. These colors stimulate the “gas pedal” part of the brain that leads to difficulty with attention and regulation. Don’t stress too much if you can’t completely avoid these colors. Add calming right brain colors to balance out the stimulation.
Add calming scents:
Stronger smells stimulate the right side of the brain. Scents like peppermint, coffee, cedarwood, lime, eucalyptus, or lemon can create a calming effect. You can place a few drops of essential oils on their right collar since our sense of smell doesn’t cross brain sides. Choose pure oils (GuruNanda from Wal-Mart is a cost effective choice). I tell parents to alternate scents each day when possible).
Avoid sweeter scents as they can trigger overstimulation by activating the “gas pedal” side of the brain.
Think about all the floral and sweet smells we use such as candles, cleaners and perfumes. No wonder our kids can’t sit still and focus. This also effects us adults as well.
Massage the left side of their body:
Gentle massage to the left side of the body activates the right side for a calming response. Try stroking their left hand for one to two minutes with your hand flat, moving from their palm to their fingertips repeatedly. You can also massage the sole of their left foot from heel down and across the pads of their foot. Another option: have them find objects in a sensory bin using only their left hand. This helps with reflex integration, calming, and increases awareness.
Encourage big body movements:
Jumping, climbing, and heavy work like carrying items helps organize their nervous system.
Use silliness and laughter:
Funny faces and playful interactions disarm fear and naturally calm the stress response.
Practice deep breathing together:
Slow, intentional breaths activate the body’s natural calming system.
Move objects from right to left:
Have them track toys or balls moving against their typical left-to-right visual pattern, before reaching up. You can do this with puzzle pieces or object to toys they are playing with. Also do this when you are handing them things like snacks to improve visual stimulation to the “brake pedal” side of the brain.
Move objects upward:
Have them track toys or balls moving against their typical visual pattern of looking down at screens or toys. This strengtheners big-picture thinking. Looking up helps kids focus on reading your lips and facial expressions to increase awareness, eye contact and interactions. Which is essential for reading lips for speech development and strengthens the right side of the brain.
Many of the children I have worked with who have Autism and ADHD have delayed tracking to their left or upward. Improving this has many benefits.
Focus on co-regulation:
Stay calm and present while they work through their emotions. Their brains haven’t developed all the skills they need to do this by themselves yet. Save teaching moments for later. Give them time to process and avoid negative comments. This doesn’t mean giving in.
Use Calming Voice
A slower, deeper tone of voice activates the right “brake pedal” side of the brain. While, a high pitch tone of voice activates the “gas pedal”. This helped me understand why kids tend to listen to better to instructions by men or when we are calm.
When to Use These Strategies
Try these calming activities for kids throughout your daily routine and monitor to see which ones your child responds to the most. For example, visual exercises and massage can be completed 2-3 times a day.
These approaches work particularly well for infants and toddlers during the stage when the right side of the brain is developing its foundation. However, every child is different, and these techniques can also benefit children who show difficulty with social interaction, high emotional reactions, rigid thinking, sensory sensitivities, decreased speech, or developmental delays.
Important cautions:
- First, avoid trying the direct stimulation activities if your child has high muscle tone (such as in cerebral palsy) or shows signs of learning disabilities, as they may need different types of stimulation
- Additionally, for children with diagnosed conditions like ADHD or autism, I have seen great benefits from using these techniques, though individual professional support is also recommended for the best outcomes
- Finally, this information is for educational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Consult your child’s pediatrician with any developmental concerns
Fast-Acting Support Resources
🎥 Video 1: Signs of Fear Paralysis Reflex
Learn the specific signs that indicate your child may have a retained Fear Paralysis Reflex. This is one of the most common retained reflexes. It affects emotional regulation, sleep and anxiety, as well as balance. Since this reflex should have integrated before birth, addressing this one first helps the other ones integrate more easily. Watch: Signs of Fear Paralysis Reflex →
🎥 Video 2: Fear Paralysis Reflex Exercise Demonstration
Watch me demonstrate this simple exercise on both a 5-month-old and a 4-year-old. This exercise is especially beneficial for children with high anxiety, sleep issues, and emotional regulation problems, including children with ADHD and autism. You can start doing this at home today. Watch: Exercise Demonstration→
Additional Immediate Support:
- Whole Tones music – harnesses the power of music through solfeggio frequencies, promoting enhanced sleep, stress relief, and holistic wellbeing
- Calming Corners or comfort tools – provide toys or comfort items for little ones, or guide older children to a designated calming corner. See my blog Calm Down Corner for Kids: Create a Self-Regulation Space or download the Tantrum Tamer App, which has amazing tools to promote calm including a calming corner designer!
Building Long-Term Calm Through Brain Balance
Once you’ve tried the Quick Start activities and immediate strategies above, you’re ready to add these long-term building blocks. Think of these as investments that pay off over weeks and months. You don’t need to do all of these. Choose 2-3 that fit naturally into your family’s lifestyle and start there.
Understanding how to calm child naturally goes beyond immediate techniques. These approaches help develop stronger internal regulation systems over time. Our kids grow up in a world that stimulates the left side of their brains (the “gas pedal”) more than the “brake pedal,” making it difficult for kids to focus and have self-control. By adding activities that support the right side, you can help counterbalance this while making connecting with your child more fun for you both.
Movement and Sensory Experiences for Lasting Change
First, prioritize unstructured outdoor play: Outside play provides movement and sensory input. For instance, the blue sky naturally triggers the “brake pedal” part of our brain.
Next, include vestibular and whole-body activities: Swinging, spinning, safe upside-down play, crawling through tunnels, climbing playground equipment, and animal walks all stimulate the inner ear and help organize the nervous system.
Additionally, create sensory-rich experiences: Let children touch tree bark, feel grass under their feet, squish mud, explore different textures, play with water, and navigate uneven terrain naturally in outdoor challenges.
Finally, build body awareness and coordination: Practice identifying body parts (“Where’s your elbow?”), play “Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes,” encourage bilateral coordination through clapping games and catching balls, and watch birds flying or blow bubbles to encourage looking upward and to the left for balanced visual input.
Building Emotional Awareness and Social Connection
First, encourage face-to-face connection: Use eye contact during conversations by getting down on their level. Spend one-on-one time together building connection and security. Even 10-15 minutes of focused attention makes a difference.
Second, foster pretend and imitation play: Provide props like dress-up clothes, play kitchen items, or toy animals. Join them in their pretend worlds. Imitate your child’s sounds and actions, then encourage them to imitate silly noises and facial expressions you make.
Third, build social skills: Practice turn-taking through board games, taking turns on swings, and sharing toys. Show pictures with different emotions and talk about how characters in books might be feeling to develop empathy.
Activities That Strengthen Self-Control
Play stopping and starting games to build impulse control. Try freeze dance, Red Light Green Light, or walking together where you move slowly, then fast, then FREEZE on command. These teach the brain to stop and start, strengthening that right brain “brake pedal.” Use the “First, Then” approach to help children understand sequences and expectations. Practice waiting activities and delayed gratification through saving treats for later or waiting until after dinner for dessert.
Focus on the Bigger Picture
Help your child understand who they are and how they relate to the world. Talk about their body parts and what they can do (“Your strong legs help you run and jump”), play body awareness games like Simon Says or animal movements, encourage imaginative and imitation play (pretending to be animals, acting out stories), discuss feelings to help them recognize emotions in themselves and others, point out connections to family, friends, and community, and use everyday moments to talk about spatial concepts (up/down, in/out, near/far).
Environmental Support for Lasting Calm
These are the “set it and forget it” strategies. Make these changes once and they work in the background, supporting your child’s regulation all day. Start with whichever feels easiest to implement in your home. These include the calming colors and scents (see above) or establishing a calming corner.
Creating the right environment supports your child’s natural ability to stay regulated.
Nutrition and Physical Needs
Focus on whole foods while minimizing processed items, sugars, and artificial dyes. Encourage regular water sipping for proper hydration and natural breathing regulation. Establish consistent routines with regular meal times and sleep schedules, ensuring adequate protein for stable blood sugar throughout the day.
Sensory Environment
Use calming colors (blues and purples) in your child’s space while reducing bright reds, oranges, and yellows when they’re struggling. Try the “blue rug hack”: if your child’s toys are mostly bright red and yellow (which stimulate the left brain “gas pedal”), place a blue rug underneath their play area. This adds right brain calming colors without getting rid of anything. It’s environmental brain balance. Incorporate calming scents like coffee, lemon, peppermint, or eucalyptus while limiting sweeter floral fragrances. Choose calm toys without excessive lights, sounds, or fast movement, and use natural lighting to support natural rhythms.
Screen Time and Stimulation
Avoid screens entirely for children under 2 as much as possible. The right side of the brain “Brake Pedal” develops first through 18-24 months. This will help ensure it builds a strong foundation for impulse control and self-regulation). For older children, choose slower-paced content and limit time while avoiding violent or stressful content. Use a calm tone of voice, especially during difficult moments.
Supporting Natural Development
Support your child’s natural developmental timeline by avoiding rushed fine motor or academic skills before they’re ready. Learning how to calm child naturally works best when we support their natural pace. Pair learning with movement (crawl over cushions to find letters, play balloon volleyball before writing practice), allow hand dominance to develop naturally, and focus on play-based learning that engages the whole child.
Connection and Laughter for Emotional Regulation
Building strong emotional connections helps children feel safe and naturally calms their nervous system. Encourage laughter through tickle games, silly songs, and playful chasing. Use silly voices and funny faces to help your child shift from stress to joy.
Biblical Foundation for Right Brain Development
The Bible tells us we can find rest in God. Exodus 33:14 says, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” God designed our right side of the brain to help calm our nervous system and get our bodies into a “rest and digest” state.
Focusing on getting these supportive activities into our kids’ daily routines, along with spiritual habits, is critical for self-regulation and calming. You can help their brains develop in a way that makes learning more possible and creates happier kids by calmly responding to them in love (which doesn’t mean giving in), teaching them how to treat others with kindness, helping others, having self-control, being thankful, being positive, and teaching them to praise God.
God’s design for brain development aligns perfectly with His call for us to find rest, peace, and joy in Him.
Creating Lasting Change
The beauty of learning how to calm child naturally is that these approaches work with your child’s developing brain rather than against it. When you consistently provide these strategies, you’re building the internal systems your child needs for lifelong emotional regulation. Children who learn through these calming activities for kids develop better tools to handle life’s ups and downs, including pausing before reacting, reading social situations accurately, and recovering from upsets quickly.
Key Points to Remember
Every child develops differently. Small changes can make big differences over time. Focus on progress, not perfection.
Want To Learn More?
Read more in this blog series:
- Why Your Child Can’t Self Regulate: The Hidden Brain Issue. to understand the connection between brain balance and self-regulation
- Child Self Regulation: The Brain Balance Key to Success. to understand self-regulation development
- Child Behavior Problems: How Modern Play is Failing Kids. to learn how play today has impacted brain development
- Mom Overstimulation: Why You Still Yell Even When You said You Would Not is part 1 in a sensory on how kids are not the only ones who get over whelm and have trouble regulating their emotions (I know this first hand!)
- Check out the Related Articles below for more blogs on similar topics!
For More Detailed Information and Resources:
- Brain Balance Centers or check out the book Disconnected Kids by Dr. Robert Melillo
- Balanced and Barefoot by Angela J. Hanscom. great insights on movement and outdoor play
- Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Dr. Becky Bailey. comprehensive strategies for positive discipline
- If I Have to Tell You One More Time by Amy McCready. practical solutions for common behavior challenges
Download Tantrum Tamer: Transform Chaos Into Calm. Build the Neurological Foundation for Happy, Capable, Self-Regulated Kids.
– Kendra
Note to Parents
This blog is for informational purposes and not medical advice. My desire is to help you do what you can to support your child’s development in a natural way. Please reach out to your child’s pediatrician if you have developmental concerns.
